Altruistic Apathy

Both the band, and the noun.

Been listening to Some Nights on Sound Cloud

And I’ve done a bit of thinking, as per usual.

What have I been thinking about exactly? Honestly I barely remember. All I can remember of my thinking was that one day I could find a girl whom I could love romantically and have fun with.

What exactly do I mean by fun?

Enjoyment, amusement, or lighthearted pleasure.

I would love to do something utterly immature but fun, my favorite idea has been to make ourselves a blanket fort. Then to make it a cuddle fort. We could eat flavored milk and chocolate chip cookies.

Someone who could do that with me and genuinely enjoy them self is a keeper in my eyes.

But alas it is but wishful thinking.

I bet one day I’ll either find someone who is as prone to immaturity as I am, or I will change.

I guess I’m still trying not to grow up.

I don’t drink, I don’t smoke, I don’t sex. I’m really still a child.

I know alot of things, I’ve a dirty mind, but in a way I am still relatively innocent.

I started the past 5 sentences with “I” how narcissistic.

Perhaps there’s a better word to start a sentence with. Bam done.

Stop hitting enter

No fuck you, this is fun.

Your right actually

Thank you.

Kind of went off on a tangent right there. Not the first time. Happens alot to me really.

Perhaps people are too complicated for me to find someone who would be right for me. Perhaps I’m just over thinking this. I tend to do that alot.

I’ve definately had a relapse, I needed a bit more time to make certain, and now I’m sure of it. Prepare for maximum awkwardness.

I’m not being complacent, I’m going to fight hard for her. If I win then I imagine I’ll be happy, If not then I will not interfere.

I could be more clever, I could be more strong.

Who knows, but I feel I’ve some fight in me now, if I have something to fight for, that fight for it I will, and with everything I’ve got.

When I say fight, it is obviously metaphorical, physically fighting over a girl is brutish and stupid, I fight in the mind, charm, wit and intelligence are my weapons.

Reminds me of Extra Credits, they spoke of how in most games you could convince a character provided a certain stat was high enough, how instead this could be a persuasion bar (similar to health bar, but it is how much the character is persuaded as opposed to how hurt they are). Persuasion is far more complicated than simply having a higher talk stat.

Bleh, went off on another tangent.

Not enough centripetal force

Yeah! Well this time I am feeling rather pooped.

I just played a rendition of real life capture the flag. It was intense. And tiring. Every year it make me aware of quite how unfit I really am. Which is quite a substantial level of unfitness. turns out clicking and typing does not make you a better runner.

I felt proud of myself for out running some of the younglings. But dissapointed that after I had escaped their reach I had no energy to fend off the next batch.

The vague way I describe this event will be very strange for those who read these to read.

Oh well, as I stated before, I am tired, and also rather lazy at times. The combination of laziness and tiredness may not be healthy. I may need a second opinion however.

I feel no philosophical debates prowling my mind at this time, nope, nothing at all, I’ll give it time, see what happens.

I may have had a relapse.

So I’ve been thinking; what is it that gives us human beings that competitive edge? the desire to win? what is it exactly? I found myself tired of the Schools attempts to force this feeling upon me, but in the simplistic game I played tonight, I found I was ready to fling myself foward for the cause. Which is true, I got plenty of scrapes and bruises, countless prickles are still embeded in my legs, some of the skin from a shin is shaved off after I tumbled down a hill, I’m still alive however, so its fine.

Perhaps it was due to the concept of gamification, well for me atleast, the whole “capture the flag” concept is for me from FPS games, and as a result when I found myself in the capture the flag scenario I was rather excited and I suppose the energy was just the tapped enthusiasm that I have when I play games.

Aside from that, I must mention what extra credits said about the word “gamer” this word should not be used to define people who play games. I don’t play games exclusively, I get out and socialize, I watch movies and read books. Just because someone enjoys something doesn’t mean you should give them a title over it. You don’t call someone who reads books a “booker” maybe a “bookworm” if they constantly read books, keyword being constant. I do not constantly play games, ergo the term gamer is a misnomer, a better term would be “Game enthusiast” or better yet “Micheal”

Okay so that was something I guess.

Bleh, shower time, followed by food time, followed by nap time. (followed by the best time; food naptime (I swear if you put mustard in my sheets again I will fucking kill you))

Otay Bye!